one of the pitfalls of a 365 project for me has been the pictures i overlook. sometimes the image i choose to represent any given day isn’t actually the best picture i made that day. looking through the archives is both a delight of forgotten moments and an embarrassment of photographic mistakes. occasionally i pick a day or a month and pour over the raw images. sometimes i process them. sometimes i re-process them. sometimes i send them to my mother. today i’m dreaming of summer and looking through lost images from last august.
it’s a useful thing, this journaling of one’s days. when march ended i thought: thanks for nothing. that’s two in a row i wasn’t sad to see go. all i could remember was painful anticipation of a spring that still hasn’t arrived, after an epic winter that never saw me changing out of my jeans and woolies.
but then something happened.
i looked back at my photos from the month and remembered exactly what did happen during, what turned out to be, a very eventful month. i remembered two days away alone with my mother for the first time in years. i saw my work hanging on the wall of an art gallery and even received a check. while i was there, i remembered to take a few minutes to feel the sand in my toes. i remembered that i saw the fruits of my elder son’s months of hard work when he brought home second trimester grades proving that others recognized his efforts as well. i remembered that my husband embarked on the next phase of his career and has found some satisfaction and success in doing so. i remembered walking in the woods with my parents after they each recovered from recent illness. i remembered how it felt to photograph them as they cuddled and laughed and i remembered fully understanding the word blessing in that moment.
i remembered, as well, that i began planning for my first solo show, which will open at the end of this month, and all of the excitement that goes with such a thing. i remembered four days traveling with my son and making memories i know we’ll both cherish.
i remembered time spent with friends and cookies and milk with my kids and the biggest brightest moon i’ve ever seen.
i remembered trying to find a few moments to exercise and being interrupted by batman, and i remember not minding at all.
i remember march, and at least for right now, it doesn’t matter if spring ever comes.
when i first left home this is where i went.
no way was i ready to be on my own, but that’s what was expected, so i went. i fell in love and had my heart broken there. i came of age and began my journey there. i met my husband there and fifteen years (one marriage, one divorce, three jobs, graduate school two mortgages and a child) later we spent our honeymoon there. my heart lives there. and yet, life keeps me away.
it’s an ache like no other – a longing for a place. so this trip, some time to be alone with my older child, it was an easy choice.
we went to maine.
when you’re nearly 13 and you have a 3 year old brother who is constantly running through the house in underpants and a superhero cape you might need to get away and not really even know it.
so we did. we packed up the car and drove north. we’re lucky to have people who open their doors for us when we call. and others who show us their favorite places, and still more who would have, had we driven further.
we are blessed indeed and knowing you all are there helps to soothe the ache.