No sooner had I finished writing my last post (you know-the one about how I was The Perfect Mother) then my kids proved me dead wrong.
Now, I know those times when everything is going according to plan are few and far between, but as my friend Jill said in the comments: sometimes I think I live for them.
Does living for my kids’ perfect moments make me less than a perfect mother? Shouldn’t I be able to take their moods and failures and melt-downs and heart-breaks in stride? Maybe use them as teaching moments and opportunities to model good behavior?
Well, yes.
But I’m far from the perfect mother and I’m sure only the enlightened among us are able to remove themselves from their childrens’ behavior. Would it be freeing to not stress out all afternoon about how bad the homework situation is going to be that night? Hell, yes. Can I do that? Absolutely not. Do I wish I could not break out into a sweat in the supermarket and wonder what everyone else is thinking when my toddler throws a temper tantrum? Uh huh. Is that possible for me? Nope. So I stress and sweat, and when they are down, I’m down.
And let me tell you, Friday, my older one was down—an epic meltdown at school, the details of which are irrelevant now, but man did I take it hard. And then the little one got sick and I just couldn’t find it within my reserves to do everything I had to do. It felt like it would never end and the effort to go on was excruciating. Not yelling or snapping was a monumental task (although sometimes I do think yelling is appropriate, but not in this particular situation). Towing the line was a job bigger than any I had signed on for.
I tried to keep that perfect moment in my thoughts—I even read my post over to remind myself that it wasn’t always this way but to no avail. It felt like it would never end and perfect-mommy-moments were to be no more.
And then, as quickly as it came about, it stopped.
And today the sun is out.
I came downstairs to find my boys standing on their chairs playing Pirates with paper-towel-roll-telescopes and smiles on their faces.
And they let me take a nap.
The baby’s fever is down.
We live to fight another day.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh no. Wasn’t thinking you’d need to reference the blog post quite so soon. And don’t worry. Your reactions are perfectly normal. No one takes all those things in stride. That only happens in preachy (and totally unrealistic) parenting books! K x
I don’t think the ‘perfect mother’ exists. You do the best for your kids and they love you for it. My mum never tried to be perfect and I appreciate that because when I become a mother, I’ll know I’m only human and I can only do the best that I can. You’re doing just fine
I understand and relate so much – hugs
What is it about 6th grade? Our total meltdown happened on Thursday of this week! It was not pretty and I was shaken by the episode. Good to know I’m not alone! Hope you are well ….hang in there!
Another beautifully written post that we all can relate to. As Audrie said there is no such thing as a perfect mother. The fact that you stress and worry about those situations shows that you are a good mother…..and the fact that you treasure those rare and perfect moments. I have to say I love your photographs today…the boys playing and the beautiful trees.
Ah Motherhood..gotta take the good with the bad!
It’s the ups and downs of life that make it interesting. The wheel is constantly spinning. You may be dragged through the mud at one moment but when it comes back to the top, the air is fresh and the view is spectacular!
my daughter is in year 6 over here (our grades work differently – yr 6 is age 10-11) and I cannot count the amount of times we’ve had manic meltdowns over what seems like the most minor thing. I have a mini volcano living in my house, I never know when she might erupt (oh, pre-teenage hormones, such joy!)
I guess it’s just the fun fun fun of being a parent, and teaches us how to become excellent grandparents, which has to be a good thing!
Just take deep breaths, just remind yourself that the sun always comes out eventually, and that fleeting burst of sunshine makes everything worthwhile
I can tell by what I read that you are a wonderful mom. It is too hard and too complicated for there to be one right answer. You are doing a fantastic job with your boys, hang in there.
Oh, sweets. Hang in there. You are heroic in my book. By the way, your images today are phenom.
c’est la vie, n’est-ce pas? It’s a constant assessing and readjusting. You are awesome.
Ohh how I love visitng your place.
That’s life— all of its ups and downs—certainly the more days I have under my belt the more I think it is a roller coaster!
I love your posts, and I frequently live the
As I’ve mentioned, my boys are as spaced out as yours, but ahead a year so 12 & 3. 6th grade was the worse ever! I was in tears more than he was, but it was fights with the school, issues with his IEP (he has ADHD), and other fun stuff. This year…smooth sailing. My toddler has tantrums at church and regularly get tossed out of the nursery. Humiliating for me, tough for him. I just have to be tough at the moment, and then let it go. He’s just too beautiful to stay mad for too long, and you toddler looks like he is too. I love chubby babies!
I know how you feel–I don’t have any children, but I sometimes have a hard time removing myself from the things my students do (or, more likely, don’t do). Just hold on to the good stuff and try to enjoy the roller coaster!
we all long to be the perfect mother, and are too hard on ourselves and miss the special little moments than when added up in their entirety make something beautiful!
I know exactly what you mean. Exactly….. exactly.
I can so relate! well my son is 16 and he is a great kid and I don’t have to deal with trantrums since he is older (he better NOT throw a tantrum in the grocery store at the age of 16! LOL) but our lives perfect? far from it! my and my husband argue, each of us 3 get on each others nerves at times
our extended family? I better not start venting about that!
Thank you for your REAL post! HUGS!