If you knew you couldn’t fail?
Stephanie posed this question on her slightly irreverent very funny and sometimes brutally honest blog, The Letter’s Edge. The question stayed with me and intruded into my consciousness for days. And then she asked me to write a guest post on the subject. Despite an unreasonable measure of jealousy over her trip to the Bahamas I accepted her invitation.
The resulting post contains a confession of personally epic proportions. One which I don’t reveal easily or often and have swirling insecurities about. So if you choose to click over and read it, please be gentle with me.
And if you do visit her site, don’t miss the link to her photography site, Lula Photography. You’ll thank me.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow – that post could have been written by me in so many ways. Especially the school issue. I still haven’t finished my BS and it plagues me everyday. I haven’t come to terms with that yet. But i’m not sure i’m ready to go back and finish. Just 5 more classes!!! That’s what makes it so hard. I’m so close. But I wont use it, at least not right now. I too have things that are regrettable, but I choose not to regret them (too much). Everything shapes who we are, it’s all a learning experience, so I had to go through those things to be who I am today. There is no regrets in that. Lovely sentiments, as usual. I’m so glad she had you share.
That was a beautiful post. Thanks for being so open.
Very nicely written Amy. I think loads of people will relate. Thanks for making me think.
an interesting perspective, amy. i have some thinking to do…
First, it gives me a little thrill to read your writing on Steph’s blog!
Now:
I’ve always felt the same way about regrets. They just don’t make sense, because every decision leads to this point, this NOW, and I wouldn’t change even the most painful, uncomfortable parts of that path.
My reading of the question – what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? – looked forward rather than back, but it’s your reading and reflecting that makes me realize this:
If I DO fail, then that failed effort becomes part of the difficult-path-I-wouldn’t-change.
So what’s stopping me?
I like how you came to the real meaning of the questions for you. I just posted something that also got to the "core" for me. How cathartic it is to get it out.
As a person who holds her MS degree… I say this, "it doesn’t matter what achievements you covet, because none of them make you who you are". Currently, I stay home with my boys, do a little this and a little that, but my life is on my terms and that is my measure of success. Not completing a degree or completing one is irrelevant. The true challenge is to be okay with the choices you made, see how they enhanced your life and find peace in that realization.
I am working on the finding the "peace" part of all my "failures". They really led me to something greater in understanding me and how I tick. This is far more important on my life quest than any measure society may have set. (I look around and see how failed our society is, so I figure, that isn’t the best measure).
Again, embrace who you are! Obtaining that degree may be a nice thing to do, but once you are done, you may realize it led you right back to where you are today. I may or may not hold that elusive "what you are supposed to do".
Thank you for sharing your post, because of how personal and difficult the confession was. I have that question in a pewter paperweight and I’ve always loved it. I have never been afraid of success, but oh the fear of failure! As an only child who set expectations higher than the ones set by my parents and maternal grandparents, the idea of failure can stop me in my tracks in some areas of my life. But like you, I don’t regret the failures I’ve experienced. I learned and I’m better for them. It’s weird the things that fear stops me from doing. They usually aren’t the big things, at least as the world would define them. In those areas, I’ve been successful, though I don’t much care what the world thinks of worldly success. It’s those personal, "small" dreams that scare me to nonaction. Guess that means they aren’t that small, at least to me. Thanks again, for sharing and making me think!
That is a question I ask myself a lot…because I am certainly not a risk taker. If I knew I couldn’t fail there would be a ton of things I would do. Maybe that should change. I loved reading your post over at Stephanie’s place-it was exciting to open up and see your name there!
How very bold of you. I love that you shared. You are wonderful.
I’m so glad you’re looking into education for education’s sake! Somehow I know you’ll do great!