now that i’ve sufficiently lowered my expectations (and possibly yours) i’ll forge on ahead to the next stage of all this and share some of my truth.
i’ve got cookies in the oven—it’s a sunday thing. my family, set in their ways as they are, is suspicious of any recipe that takes them away from our standard chocolate chip—time honored and committed to memory. and yet, i can’t help but venture out in search of something greater. today’s experiment comes to us from the most lovely of blogs. do visit molly and come back and thank me.
as i write, there is a small child skipping around the sofa clad only in superhero underpants and a backpack. he is in the midst of a running dialog with himself and, although i can’t hear every word, i’m confident it includes the fighting of evil forces in the universe. where does the fascination with superheros come from, i wonder. i’m told that ‘boys will be boys’ but just between you and me, i’m not buying that—i believe that parenting can prevail (somewhat) over such stereotypes. having said that, however, i let my boys play with dolls and yet they often choose weapons. can you explain this?
as i look up now i think it’s only right to tell you that he has changed into a batman costume with a surgical mask covering his mouth and now is armed with a helicopter.
i danced with my father last night.
there is no feeling in friendship quite like the feeling of being known. and no matter how insightful or magnetic a connection, nothing can take the place of longevity.
i’ve been busy of late with projects that all came to a head at the same time. the involvement has been a pleasure but i’m somewhat overburdened and believe i need a stern lesson in saying ‘no’.
tomorrow we embark on a journey. an annual pilgrimage of sorts. bathing suits and sweatshirts and jeans packed tightly into the car which heads to a ferry. a week of sandy toes and salty air. a week of navigating the politics of a nine year age difference and two children. it’s no different, really, from what we do every day. but on vacation things are heightened. the joy and relaxation right along side with the bickering of boys. i read this and frankly, don’t have much to add right now.
at one point or another almost every blogger i am personally acquainted with has confessed to me their questioning of the purpose of it all.
i have a few (confessions) of my own i’d like to share here in the midst of my own blog-istential crisis.
first, i suffer migraine headaches. if we know each other or we’re flickr friends you already know this. last july i started taking a daily medication to treat them. i was pretty desperate suffering almost as many days in a month as i wasn’t. i really didn’t have a choice.
thing is, though, one of the ‘side effects’ of the medicine was trouble recalling words. sounds awful, i know. and in reality it wasn’t as debilitating as it sounds. it was occasional and frustrating but, hey, it happens to everyone sometimes. you can’t find the right word. you pick another and move on. and i was feeling relief. so i sucked it up.
but i couldn’t write. i couldn’t find the words. for a year now, my words have been locked inside my head. and the headaches came back after just a few months. sneaking up on me. taking days away from me. so i’ve quit it. and slowly, i feel the words coming back. slowly.
maybe that’s why i’ve been quiet here. or maybe it’s time. you know about this one. there’s never enough time so when you add something to one side of the scale, something else has to give. or the debate about whether to keep this a personal space or promote my business here. i’ve gone back and forth on this one but in the end, i need a personal outlet so i’ve decided to blog about all things business somewhere else.
or maybe it was something else entirely. i’ve been making excuses to friends who’s places i haven’t been visiting. feeling badly about not leaving comments for them. being there for them. pressure isn’t my friend. if i were talking to you, i’d say ‘it’s your space. use it when you feel like using it. don’t let it become a burden’.
so that’s what i’ve been doing. but truth be told, i miss this neighborhood of ours. so i think i’ll be visiting more often. taking some of the pressure off and adding small posts more often. not trying to outdo myself. some honesty and accountability. not every post is poetry. not everything i have to say is interesting. just truth.