Him: ‘Um, Honey, your blog needs updating’.
Me: ‘I know. And the laundry needs folding and the dishes need washing and the money needs making and the diapers need changing and the cat’s claws need clipping and the windshield needs fixing and the school forms need returning…’ (Are you getting the picture?) ‘But I’m too busy doing nothing right now.’
While it’s not exactly true that I’m doing nothing—it certainly of feels like nothing is getting done. Frankly the reason I’ve been absent from this space is that I’m preoccupied by a cutthroat game of tug-of-war I’m currently engaged in with summer. (Apparently summer feels that it’s time to move on but I’ve got other plans.)
I realize I’m not the first person to remark that summer is fleeting but this feels like more than my usual early September observation of ‘where did the time go’. I’ve got none of the usual excitement for the leaves turning and the sweater wearing and the apple picking. I’m plain sad and even a little angry (at myself I guess) that I didn’t manage to eek out every one of summer’s usual pleasures this year. What happened to dinner outside with the smell of chlorine in our hair? And rustic tomato sauce? Not even once. And camping? And thunderstorms so severe we lost power (never thought I’d be missing that one). And impromptu backyard meetups with the neighbors. Did we do that? I can’t even remember.
As we mark off days until school starts the pressure on my shoulders mounts. With each degree the thermometer dips—my mood droops, and with each leaf that floats by—my heart sinks just a little further into my stomach. I fear the darkness and the cold that is New York State in the winter and I’m not entirely sure I can handle another grade-school related catastrophe. I just want to hang out with my kids barefoot and bra-less all day and… be.
Oh yeah, I finished a quilt.